A521.4.3.RB_Subleties of Communication and Hidden Messages

I am a talker and have been for as long as I can remember but when I was younger I used to speak just as much with my body language as I did with my mouth. As I have gotten older I have learned how to control my body language and become equally as powerful with only my words.
Below is an example of where my body language misconstrued my message:

I recently had some issues with my supervisor; I suppose they were disconnects in our verbal exchange. During this particular situation I felt that I was being attacked and my message was not coming out the way I wanted it to. As direct as I can be at times I have to remember who I am speaking to; I find that not all people think of that and at times it can add to an already negative situation. When I felt attacked I was standing in my supervisor’s office with the door open and I didn’t need our conversation to be blasted for the rest of the department to hear. I decided it was the best option to shut the door so that the messages being expressed stayed between my supervisor and I; that wasn’t the best idea. My boss took that action as an attack on her and it just escalated the situation. These are times where both my body language and my message were going in two opposite directions. Maybe I shouldn’t have shut the door but I really didn’t know how else to keep the conversation private but also show that I wasn’t going to be made to look like a fool around my colleagues (especially since the situation was blown out of proportion by my supervisor). I guess this is an example of when I needed to bite the bullet and let my supervisor speak what she needed to and I go back to my office and not do it again (although for me that is not an easy task).

This situation also included issues related to the articulation, tempo and volume of my message. I find at times of heated conversations the people conversing often change the meaning of their message based on those factors. Now I will admit that to a fault my rhetoric can sound condescending even though I don’t want it to. Sometimes the passion in my message is projected in a negative way. I have a strong personality and when I want my message to be direct it isn’t directly related to the true meaning of my message.

In this particular situation I have been able to identify areas that need to be corrected. When I was working for another supervisor a few years back I had some of the same issues as described above but to a more heightened degree. Like I said I have a strong personality and so did my previous supervisor (also female). When I was younger I didn’t have a censor and at times things would just come out of my mouth and I didn’t realize who I was speaking to; I consider those learning experiences. From those learning experiences I have been able to modify my protection and I make sure that the message I am trying to express is being done so in a way that both people involved do not feel attacked.

I am firm believer that leadership styles are inherited from birth and polished along the course of a person’s life. Situations like the one stated above are a part of my polishing journey. A person must be faced with different situations and or scenarios in order to learn. I don’t like to necessarily pick out my flaws but without proper identification I cannot correct the problem. On a lighter note I can think of a time when I projected my message perfectly and was rewarded with a compliment from a fellow colleague of mine.

About a year ago we were having some parking issues and people had been complaining. I noticed that another Administrative Assistant was being too harsh towards those who were violating the new policy so I felt it was time that I took over especially since some of the violators were on my team. I spoke to a coworker and expressed the situation and encouraged him not to let it happen again. A neighbor to his work station turned around and asked me if I was ever planning on becoming a manager of some kind and I proceeded to tell him that I hoped to move up the management ladder. After I expressed my future career goals with him he said I would make a good manager because my tone and projection of my message was done so in a posed and diplomatic fashion. I have never forgotten that compliment and I think of when I know I am going to have to speak to others.

There will always be good and bad ways to handle different forms of communication and rhetoric, it is understanding how to correct the bad that will enhance the good.